Nash's Equilibrium and How it Feeds My Pathological Narcissism

Assumption #1: The popular version of Nash's equilibrium and its applicability to barroom pick-ups is well known amongst today's bar-going population.

Assumption #2: These dynamics are gender independent or at least perceived as such by said population.

Logical Conclusion: I'm the most beautiful bastard at the bar!

ख़ाक

Haven't written in a while... Wrote this today in response to Bani's query about my research... It must be noted that it was her that started the conversation that led to the first stanza and she further inspired me to write the rest of the poem. She is my muse and this would not have been possible without her :-)

ख़ाक

(आदित्य)

बातें ही तो बनाना आता है,

वीद्यार्थी हूँ मैं,

बस और मुझे ख़ाक आता है

यहाँ आके फँस गया हूँ,

न पढने में मज़ा आता है,

और बिन पढ़े न चैन आता है

मेरी मिन्नतों पे हँसता होगा खुदा,

कहता होगा बेवक़ूफ़,

दुआओं से भी कभी रिजल्ट आता है?

ठीक फरमाया मैं कहता हूँ,

पर हुज़ूर,

बिना मिन्नतों के भी ख़ाक रिजल्ट आता है !

हँसते हैं लोग मुझपे,

और मेरी हालत पे,

मुझे खुद रोना आता है.

कमसकम आपकी हंसी के काम आ गया,

वरना विद्यार्थी हूँ,

विद्यार्थी क्या ख़ाक काम आता है!

A word to the wise

Toast with ham slices and red chilli pickle is not a particularly good idea... Much as one thinks it is, it isn't. Trust me on this one.

Google For the Nobel in Literature!

No, i'm not using 'Google' as a verb in the title of this post. I'm using it to refer to the company. And i'm suggesting that they should get the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Yes, i know that they should get one for science. But that is obvious.

The argument for a Nobel in Literature is a tad more derived.

As you all [by 'all' i mean the both of you (and in 'both', i include myself)] probably already know, Google has a service known as Google Suggest. For the uninitiated, this is the service that gives you those helpful little suggestions saying "Did you mean ... " when it thinks that you have misspelled something. That in itself was pretty darn good. But recently, they have improved that service by shifting it to an earlier time-point in the search process, namely, at the search field itself WHILE you're misspelling... Correcting you in real time and thus, hopefully, reducing the time it takes for you to accurately search for stuff.

Anyhow, the argument for the Nobel goes thus -

• One of the reasons that Nobel committee hands out these prizes is to promote the languages.
• Nobel laureates in literature write good stuff.
• If this stuff is recognised for its brilliance through a Nobel, more people might read it and benefit from it.
• NOBODY (other than people on the decision committee and other Nobel laureates) reads that stuff.
• Learning to spell is a first step towards acquiring good language skills.
• Google Suggest is a practical way of getting people to learn the right spelling.
• MILLIONS of people use Google.
• End of Argument

This argument, admittedly, has its flaws. The first of which is that you can ignore the suggestion. And this certainly i true. But it is harder to ignore a suggestion on your computer screen correcting YOUR spelling when making that correction might make your search easier. It is, however, ridiculously easy to ignore the whole body of literature that has been awarded the Nobel. And it is EASIER to not read all of the other stuff that didn't get a Nobel to be able to appreciate the quality of the work that DID get it. Google suggest starts at a more basic level... At a grass-roots level. And, out of the millions who use Google everyday, if it makes about 1% think about language and how it is important, it deserves a Nobel for services done to the Language (Whichever language that might be).

Pro Tips

Shaving Pro-Tip: Try not to bleed to death.

Skiing Pro(?)-Tip: Try not to get killed.

Research Pro-Tip: Try shooting yourself. In the head. Now.

What have YOU been Wondering about?

I've been wondering about some things lately... There's nothing new about that... I usually wonder about a lot of things... Constant alcohol consumption has rendered me unable to comprehend many things that even undergrads can understand... Anyhow... I decided to compile a list of some of the things i've been wondering about lately to see if i can't understand them better by knowing that i don't understand them now...

1) When the hell is the bus home?? I mean, seriously... there are like a thousand different time-tables and all of them have different schedules for the bus... The public transport system in Syracuse has defeated me...

2) What variables should i REALLY worry about?

3) Chaos. It was a really bad idea on the part of the scientific community to think up the idea of chaos... I mean... Come the fuck on! How am i supposed to do anything without thinking that i'm not taking NEARLY enough variables into account??

4) Why is the staff at Dunkin' Donuts so rude??

5) When will the next Nusrat arrive on the music scene?? I wish he/she would hurry up and sing already...

6) Where can i get a Devnagari transliteration of Allama Iqbal's work?? Transilteration. Not translation.

7) Why am i not drawing comics anymore??

8) Should i get Ubuntu? Or should i upgrade the Fedora that i have?? Or should i forget about using an awesome, open source OS and stick with my copy of XP (which sucks)?

9) What's up with Altaaf Raja? Haven't heard from him lately...

10) Is giant sperm in Drosophila a form of ornamentation?? If so, how is it perceived by the female fly? Is the phenotype coupled with chemical cues of some sort? Or is it more of a physical/functional type of selection??

11) When will people grow up and not make fun of what i do?? When will i grow up and not laugh hysterically when i see a paper about 'rooster ejaculates'?

12) What are quantum dots??

13) Why the hell can't Graphene be used as a holographic material?? I mean, is it physically impossible?? Or can it, and that chemistry graduate student didn't know what he was talking about??

14) Will I ever stop procrastinating? Do you want to go get a beer and talk about this?

15) How many of these do you think i'll know the answer to in the foreseeable future?

A rant by any other name would still be moronic...

I notice now that it's been a while since i have stressed the singular lack of comedic ability that is an attribute of life as we know it. So then, for those of you who are not aware... LIFE IS NOT FUNNY... not in the bloody least funny... And why do i say so?? Well, seriously, do you need me to list out reasons?? Look around you... Life is like a series of bad jokes in a play... A play that started out being a light hearted take on something serious... became a serious take on something light hearted... and then just lost itself in mindless drivel... Pathetic attempts at humour... Mostly slapstick... extremely repetitive... not to mention tiresome for the cast... seriously... we need to call the director of the play and tell him that although we appreciate his efforts, he has GOT to stop doing this!


OF COURSE there's a reason for this rant... and OF COURSE you have a shrewd idea of what it might be.... So, before you go all "Awwww... what happened now?? Is it what we think it is??" ... Let me be like one of those Preemptive strikers and say that No! It isn't what you think it is... It is merely a collection of a lot of things which, at 3 in the morning, came out of that twisted mass of cells i call my brain in the form of this blog post... Inconvenience caused is cherished and highly enjoyed.... :D


Anyway.... moving on (leaving my twisted brain behind)... what was it that i was supposed to move on to?? Ah well... nothing here... and, this early in the morning, or this late in the night, whichever you prefer, even the murky depths of my mind refuse to oblige me with the customary offering of bilge with which they are usually so forthcoming... I will therefore end this... Right after i reiterate... LIFE IS NOT FUNNY!!!

Ok... i'll stop now... Cheers :D And take good care of yourself... :D

What can i say?? :D

Steps to Humour:
1) Observe the picture shown below.
2) Read entry number 14.
3) Laugh like crazy.
4) Then read entry 15.
5) Smile.
6) Contemplate #s 14 and 15 together.
7) Laugh till it hurts.
8) Don't send me a mail calling me a filthy pervert.

No It ISN'T!!

Ever been pissed off by Rhetorical questions??? :P

Ever noticed how on people's web profiles they have pics with labels like "that's me... Cute na??" or "that's my Boyfriend/girlfriend.... Isn't he/she hot??" or "isn't my car jus ROCKING???"

Well, no... most of the time the stuff you like is not necessarily stuff I like... so stop asking me with the ASSUMPTION that I will agree with your point of view... More likely than not, when you inquire about the beauty of your significant other, I am going to reply "Well, you know what they say! Beauty is in the eyes of the Beer Holder!" or some such equally insulting thing ("Not enough alcohol in the world!" is one of my favourites... closely followed by "Primates are genetically close to us but not close enough for it to be socially acceptable for you to date one")... Seriously, don't ask me...

So, once and for all, your car is just like any of the other million or so that came out of that production line, your girl/guy looks OK, you were cute JUST before you asked if you were cute or not, and the term 'Rocking' has been abused to death, please stop using it.

Cheers,
Adi

P.S: I'm guilty of using rhetorical questions in a singularly annoying manner myself but you must not presume to compare yourselves with me :D

Ummm... What other purpose???

HAHAHAHA .. .Found this gem outside my institute... Cracked me up, this one did! :D

I can only say "WTF??" and gesticulate wildly ...

I put that pic in for a reason... I think that the city of Bangalore was designed in exactly the same way as Windows ME... By degenerate drunkards....

There are like HAZAAR streets here called "18th cross"... WHAT THE F***??
Every part of Bangalore looks almost exactly the same as any other part... You can't bloody tell which place you're in by just looking around... You have to read signs... And here's the kicker... The signs, or most of them, are in Kannada... Again... WHAT THE BLOODY F***???

AND they have 25 buses numbered 25a to 25y !! ALSO, these don't have a common start/end point... No Sir! it isn't that easy here... These have a common VIA point... You KNOW i'm going to say it... WTF?!!?!

&%@#$@^&%#(@#

What bothers me more is that this could've been such a WONDERFUL city (Their Vidhan Sabha makes Bombay's Mantralaya look like a puny little outhouse)!!

Instead it has turned out like one of those kids turn out.... The ones who show great promise early in life only to turn into useless drunkards later in life... working for the government... designing awful cities... :P

Life is not funny...

Namma Uru Bengalluru

I'm in Bangalore... At this place... Loving the place... Oh and Bangalore ain't bad either...

But i do take issue with the fact that everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, in B'lore shuts by 11pm... Those of you who don't think that that's an absolutely absurd time to shut shop, please leave... I don't need your kind here...

I mean... these guys are nuts... If one wants to have a late dinner at a nice place... one can't... unless one wants to blow up the entire month's salary at the Taj or something... Besides, all city buses stop functioning at 11... And the Riksha-waalahs are actually thinly disguised robbers... They keep asking for extra charges on the meter... i never got that... and they ask for double the meter charge post NINE pm!!! Another absurd time chosen by the Bangaloreans... i don't get this one either, especially since i think the meters are rigged anyway...

I won't comment on the traffic because that is always bad anywhere outside Bombay...

Bangalore has it's merits too... The weather's pretty nice... and M.G. Road is AWESOME!! But that's about it, methinks... I am not counting the merits of staying on my campus here because that's not the real Bangalore...

Humour is humorous only if it is based in truth

I just saw two whole seasons of "Here's How I Met Your Mother" in one, awesomely big, marathon viewing session.
It was... leGEN - Wait for it - DARY!! :D ... True Story...

Life Is Not Funny

No reason for this post. I just felt that i hadn't asserted the non-funniness of life enough lately. So... here is me saying LIFE IS NOT FUNNY... There, i said it... Makes me feel exactly the same way as i did before i said it... Life is not funny, and it tries so damn hard to be funny it's driving me bloody crazy...

Expiliation is always a hair raising experience... So to speak :P

I went to the trichologist today... And, keeping with the highest traditions of the Indian barber community, was subjected to the most painfully atrocious radio programming... Infact, i put to you, my discerning and almost certainly mentally challenged readers, that the barber's prowess at hair-styling is best judged by his ability to zero in on the worst radio program traversing the airwaves at any given moment...

My barber chose a radio station called "meow"... This admirably ridiculous station marketed itself as a women-centric radio station... And owing to some vague parallels between the fairer sex and felines, styled itself "meow"... This is pardonable (the media world having committed other, more hideous crimes). What is NOT pardonable is the insistence of the RJ to start every conversation with the word "meow"... THIS i found most trying... Still, i could've overlooked this misguided brand marketing if the content was any good. Sadly, my troubles were not to be alleviated... The RJ, having meowed to her heart's content then proceeded to expound on the question of whether or not the old joke that women never reveal their true age has any truth in it... This disturbed me on various levels... Why should anyone care? Why should SHE care? How dumb did she have to be to go about dissecting the ludicrous "problem" on a public broadcast service? I don't know what disturbs me more, the fact that she was allowed to go on air with such garbage or the fact that there were plenty of people calling in to comment?

All through this i comforted myself by thinking of the wonderful haircut i would get as a direct result of the barber feasting his ears on this awful rubbish. Alas! 'twas not to be... The music played was not half-bad and, consequently, the haircut i got was, at best, indifferent...

'Angus' reminds me of 'Anus' and 'Fungus'... Not a kind thing to name your child that...

Today's QC reintroduces Angus McPhee... and, just like i did, J. Jacques provided a link to the comic which explains who Mr. McPhee is... I've spent the morning re-reading all the comics from thereon... I blame J. Jacques... Any one who points out my tendency to not take responsibility will also find out about my tendency to get violent and stab people with swords... :P

"Bushido" sounds a LOT like "Bullsheeto" :P

My friend, Ankit, who is very nice (his boss agrees), sent me an imitation Katana from Japan (where he is currently pretending to work hard)... He sent me an imitaion (blunt edged) sword because he knows me too well to trust me with a sharp blade...

It's a beautiful sword with and awesome Dragon engraved on the blade as well as on the scabbard... :D

Enemies of the Samurai, BEWARE! The warrior has nothing better to do than take pictures of his pretty sword and is therefore liable to slice your head right off only to lessen the boredom... :P

HAHAHAHA

Found this gem in the 22nd Rajputana Rifles Mess... Very apt for an Infantry unit... :P

These guys had the most awesome collection of silverware i've ever seen... and i've seen plenty... What distinguished their collection was that theirs was very rich in antiques... They had a silver Surahi which has only one other copy... the copy is in Hyderabad's Salarjung Museum... They also had a silver cocktail shaker with names of about 10-12 cocktails etched along the rim. When you turned the cylindrical body of the shaker so that the notch reached a particular cocktail... The ingredients of the cocktail would appear in little rectangular boxes carved into the body of the shaker!! :D :D :D

The question is... Who is dumber?

I recently got the following story as an e-mail forward. I am usually weary of such "oh-how-cute!!" stories and, true to form, i was weary of this one. But, for some inexplicable reason, i read it... You're sure this story's gonna turn out about how i actually liked the forward... No... I hated it. But more than hatred i was overcome with wonder... Read the story and i'll explain...

True Love Means...

A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a deserted road on a motorcycle.

Girl: Slow down, we're going too fast. I'm scared! And I don't want anything to happen.

Guy: Come on, don't worry. I know what I'm doing. Your having fun right?

Girl: NO...please stop. I'm really scared

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I LOVE YOU! Now please slow down.

Guy: Give me a hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you help me out here? Will you take me Helmet off of me and put it on you? It's bugging me.

In the paper the next day: A motorcycle has crashed into a building break failure. Two people found, but only one survived.

The Truth is: That halfway down the road the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug him for one last time. Then had her wear him helmet so she would live, even though it meant that he would die.

How DUMB was the "biker"?? Any idiot with a learner's license will tell you that it is nearly impossible for a geared vehicle to keep moving if you cut the throttle. All he had to do was take his goddamn hand off the throttle and the contraption would've spluttered to a halt... No matter HOW fast he was going...Also, if he crashed into a building at high speed, no helmet in the world could've saved that poor girl... But that is not the cause of my wonder... The wonder is that this story has been turned into a sort of parable about the greatness of love... I've done some research (yes, i'm currently very bored) and found this story posted on various sites which publish quotes and sayings and stories about love and other mushy stuff... And i've read some of the comments at these websites... "oh its a beautiful tale!", "i sent this to my wife and said i'd do the same for her", " my personal opinion is that guy actually cared for her. it's not everyday a guy cares for a woman like that"... you get the picture... It is number five according to user votes on this site. The person who sent it to me, god bless her soul, said it made her cry... It made me cry too... but for different reasons...

So, the question is... who's Dumber?? The biker or the thousands of people who helped turn this story of ridiculous idiocy into a fable about true love?? Wonko the sane had the right idea... My faith in our intellectual superiority to other beings has been fundamentally shaken... Life continues in its obstinate insistence on being ludicrously devoid of humour...

Spotting

Below are a few pictures of my friend Rajeev...i've put in one picture of a "primitive" simian... Just for comparison... If you can spot the simian, Rajeev's evolved sufficiently... :-)